


We Both have boxes!

by MRLaufeydottir



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Loki - Fandom, Marvel (Comics), Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)
Genre: BOXES, Banter, F/M, References to Suicide, True Love, perfect match
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-05-23
Packaged: 2017-11-23 09:25:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MRLaufeydottir/pseuds/MRLaufeydottir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chimichangas: the instigator of all good things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> They meet and instantly get each other... and someones hand is missing but whatever.

Darcy was epically pissed.

 

Not only was she unnecessarily stressed from her super secret, stupidly overcomplicated job  at SHIELD but now her favourite mexican joint had been relocated to Jersey; with no fucking notice! She knows she hadn't been there in a while but at least text a girl, give her some warning. 

 

But of corse they couldn't text her because she had a classified phone number. Stupid SHIELD, with their invading peoples lives and stealing their iPods, who did they think they were? Not that she was complaining, frankly she had no idea where she was going with that whole political science thing - boy was that ever a shot in the dark - but she'd stopped halfway anyway because, you know that whole stud muffin from the sky incident that shall not be named to civilians or posted on Facebook… Oops.

 

Anyway she didn't find Poli-Sci enough of a challenge and frankly it got rally boring really fast. So when you're given the task of sorting out super villain files in order of weirdness of their powers you really just had to roll with the weirdness. It was at this point that Darcy's stomach growled and she realised that she had been standing in front of a now unoccupied building, basically internally summarising most of her recent life. 

 

Gas prices be damned! She was getting herself chimichangas even if she had to drive all the way to New Jersey,

 

~~~

 

"Motherfucker!"

 

_No they did not!_

 

**_God why have you forsaken us?_ **

 

"Ok, this is all some horrible, horrible, food coma induced dream that I'll eventually wake up from and laugh about for hours over some more delicious chimichangas…" Wade said frantically, then smacked himself lightly on the face once with each hand.

 

_Smack!_

_Wake up!_

 

_Smack!_

**_Wake up!_ **

 

_Damn this might not be a dream._

 

"Shut up! yes it is." He yelled out loud and with that he suddenly turned around and grabbed the nearest person he could find by the upper arms and shook them, "I need you to smack me in the face as hard as you can right-" is all he could say before he was hitting the ground spasming uncontrollably. He'd been tased. This was officially one of the worst days of his life. Not only had his ass just been fried by a trigger happy old lady, but now the best chimichangas in all of new york had just up and gone! It was also the only place in New York that would give him free food, (The owner owed him a favour) he needed it to be free because of the crazy ass job he just finished today, but had been working on for 2 weeks had left him hungry and broke.

 

_Oh great, it's  miserable street roaming time with Deadpool!_

 

**_...Where we reflect on everything wrong with us. Woo. Hoo._ **

 

He gave a long, resigned sigh, "Sometimes I wonder whose side you guys are on."

 

After about 20 minutes of aimless walking, Deadpool found himself in some sort of residential area (which looked kind of familiar) staring at a beautiful girl with the most perfect pair of… uh-oh.

 

~~~

 

Darcy was walking back from her car to her apartment building, when she reached for her key and then felt cold flat metal pressed to her cheek. "Open the door!" The ski-mask wearing scumbag loudly demanded with a really bad Batman impression. Darcy wasn't really scared; she knew that anyone that tried to rob an entire apartment building with a small blade was clearly not so bright. She instinctively reached for her taser and came up empty.  

 

"Damn! Stupid Darcy, stupid, stupid, stupid!" she scolded herself. 

 

The mugger pushed the blade further into her cheek and drew a little blood. Great. And again with the batman voice "Hey, what did you call m…"

 

The criminal was conveniently interrupted, "I don't believe the lady with the glorious rack over here was talking to you, Mr. Wayne." and then a guy in what seemed to be a black and red morph suit  kicked him in the face and sliced his knife baring hand off in one swift move that still managed to be comical; woah, was that a samurai sword? . The robber gave a girly scream and collapsed. Macho.

 

Deadpool looked up at her confused, **_Why isn't she running inside or screaming?_**

 

_Is she…_

 

Darcy started giggling, 'what the hell is wrong with me?' she thought, but it was still pretty funny, "He was totally doing batman right?" she said after that epic display of girlyness.

 

"Knew I couldn't be the only one thinking it!" She laughed again in a sort of endearing way, he tilted his head thoughtfully. 

 

Strange. 

 

**_I like this girl._ **

 

_I aprove._

 

Deadpool didn't say anything for a long time and she was starting to get worried, then she remembered, "Oops, where are my manners," she cleared her throughout comically and continued "thanks so much for saving me from that guy I really appreciate it but he's kinda missing a hand and losing a lot of blood, so maybe you could drop him on the roof of an ambulance or something and you could have some of these awesome chimichangas as a thank you." She held up the colossal, already greasy  paper bag and shook it teasingly giving him a sly grin. 

All his thoughts were suddenly replaced with the glorious smell of chimichangas, how did he miss that? He mirrored her grin and jumped up and down and clapped his hands  doing a great impression of a teenage girl with her friends after a long weekend of no contact, picked up the body and said "Be right back." and then he was skipping, actually skipping down the street, Darcy laughed had walked into her building. 'This aught to be interesting' she thought to herself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool wakes up on a cloud and Darcy just does her thing. Is it possible that The Merc has been out mouthed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I don't explain what happened the previous night or how Loki is allowed in stark tower... that'll come later.
> 
> \Or will it? duh duh duh!\  
> /Shut up yes it will./
> 
> k, Buy guys.

Deadpool woke up in a haze, a deliciously content haze, a haze that could only have been caused by the aforementioned chimichanga coma. He wished he could stay there forever; full, satisfied and with a really comfy couch under him.

So this is what heaven felt like…

Wait a second, you do realise that we saved that girl last night right?

And whats your point?

Well, we're all content and shit right? so that can only mean…

Oh, God no…

Karma is real!

"Oh god, this is horrible." he said in a little winey voice.

"Really? I thought you were having a good time, eating mexican food, watching bad tv, crashing on my 'magical couch'" she mimics quotation marks with her fingers at "Magical couch".

He reflexively reached for his gun and pointed it up at her from her position standing over him behind the couch, she didn't even look phased. Swallowing that last sip of her coffee she said, "Seriously dude? You gonna try to kill and rob me after last night? Not cool bro, you're gonna kill someone you watched 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' with?" she looked honestly disappointed then she gave a long sigh and continued, "What is this world coming too…"

Wade immediately retracted his gun and apologised "Sorry 'bout that. Reflex, won't happen again." He looked up at her and she was staring into her coffee and smiling mischievously Like she just told herself a joke "Care to let me in on the hilarity?"

Darcy giggled, bit her lip and looked deeper into her coffee but didn't answer his question, instead she said "Hey, I didn't get your name yesterday?" still sounding like she was suppressing laughter. And that was all it took. He now had some sort of weird crush on this apparently very nice, crazy lady. 

What again?

Hey that crazy lady fell for us!

Not something to brag about.

Besides it's probably just us being overwhelmed by that aforementioned bosom of glory and wonderment.

Wait a second is she…

Not wearing a bra.

Damn…

Were we supposed to be saying something?

"Ahem, yeah dude, um, I know they're great but we just met yesterday and what your fabric eye holes are doing are kinda making my taser hand itchy." She said still laughing internally, then Wade realised it was kind of rude to stare. which he wouldn't usually care about…

Must be the free mexican food.

Darcy suddenly looked kind of bored, looking down and kind of playing with her hands.

Dude we're losing her! 

We can't have that.

"…And i want you to show me!" Darcy sang out loud, very loud. Then she noticed that he was looking up at her with a tilted head. At her face this time. "Sorry I just didn't get an answer for long enough and I decided to make my own hold music."

"Wade."

"What?"

"My name it's-it's… Wade"

Wow, real name already. Ballsy.

Well he's not really one to take his time.

This is about to be the most 'like a sir' TWSS moment we will ever experience.

"Well Wade, I kinda have to go get ready for work now, but I'd like to thank you again for saving me and solving my pesky chimichanga problem for me. Also the new address you asked for before you passed out is on this relocation notice that I took in anger -sorry about that by the way- feel free to come hang with me and watch The Lion King whenever you're in town, and uh, yeah nice meeting' ya!" she said with a wink, holding out a wrinkled piece of paper, he took it slowly as if waiting for her to say something even stranger.

To be honest he wasn't being serious when he said this. Hell, he was never serious! but she seemed to thing everything he said were the words of an actual sane person, that payed taxes and wore suites and contributed to actual things like society and shit. Damn it, he was giving her his best verbally derail and flee tactics over here! So when he put on his worst Elvis voice and asked her "So, uh I don't even get you're number babe, uh-huh-huh?" he wasn't expecting her to say:

"Well, sure you do Wade. Hehe!" In a pretty good Michael Jackson voice, handing him a card with some hand written digits on it. "By the way elvis didn't say 'babe' like a douchebag. C'mon dude you're better than that." then she was walking in to her room like a normal conversation had just taken place. Yes, he definitely liked this girl. 

Darcy peeked her head out from behind her door, "Bro, don't make me break out Foreigner again, It's about to go Definitive Collection up in this peace!" she went back in still calling from the other side of the closed door, he could hear her shower going on.

Shall we sneak a peak.

That would be an epically bad idea.

Yeah, plus I'm pretty sure she'd just taser us or something. 

*Sigh* well its time to find a new job. Then he got up and started walking to the door but was distracted by the most amazing collection of action figures he had ever seen.

When Darcy didn't hear the door she belted as loud as she could, "…Well i guess it's just the woman in you, that brings out the man in me!" And Deadpool ran out the door because he was pretty sure that this woman was in-fact a ninja.

~~~

Well that was a pretty eventful morning, y'know with the whole red power ranger on crashing the couch thing.

Yeah I hope he calls…

Me too, he seemed just as weird as us.

Yeah thats going a little too far.

Then she was walking into Tony Starks office, or rather walking in on a bazillionaire, in an Armani suit, with a pile of action figures of him and his fellow (unclassified) super boy band brothers looking quite perplexed. 

"I see you've discovered the collection. Impressed?"

"You put these on my desk?"

Darcy nodded happily.

He looked down and placed his fingers on hid temples, "Darce, do you live in a shoe? why is your stuff always in my office?"

"Because you have the fanciest storage space! I mean look at that desk covered in some kind of beautiful velvet that smells like wealth and bald eagles, how could I not keep my precious collection in such an opportune spot!"

"How do you keep getting in here?"

"JARVIS, my mainest goon from way back when! Love you man! No homo." she bumped her chest with her fist and pointed up at the ceiling.

"Quite, Miss Lewis"

Tony looked up at where she had pointed incredulously. "You know what this stuff shouldn't even surprise me anymore" He said shaking his head clear of any remaining disbelief, "so, are you here for actual work or…"

"Snakes on a plane says you should give me some report on this guy."

"Why the hell do you call him that?" He asked handing her a folder.

"Really?"

Loki suddenly appeared in front of Darcy, "Do you have it?" he asked without even acknowledging Tony. She pulled out a Harry Potter DVD box set from her surprisingly large pocket, and Loki took it and smiled at her "Good mortal."

"You like Harry Potter?"

"I find their attempts at sorcery entertaining."

"Yeah, sure-"

"Well I must go now, mischief to be made and all that." he said in the general direction of the room, reading the back of the DVDs in his hand and then just vanishing. 

Typical God of mischief.

"Well that was kind of rude."

"Eh, he dose what he wants." Darcy said smiling to herself before facing her attention back to Tony. "Hey, we're gonna play with those later." she declared pointing at the action figures, then she turned walking out of the door and continued, "I'll even let you be Iron Man."

~~~

The easy jobs are always the most boring.

This is getting unsatisfying...

"Well, we should go get the rest of the money now." Deadpool sighed resignedly. 

Isn't it about that time in the story arc when we try to be one of the good guys?

Hey, whaddya know it is that time.

He then placed the guys head in the box as instructed and started walking.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They just really need to be held okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the bold is Deadpool's yellow box and the bold italic is his white.  
> Also the italic are Darcy's boxes.
> 
> you'll notice when they occur simultaneously though. hopefully.

"Hello?"

 

**Woah, dude this number's real.**

 

"Why'd you give me your real number."

 

"Wade?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Yay, I was hoping you'd call. sup bro?" 

 

"You didn't answer my question."

 

"I figured you were cool and all, what with the saving my life and promise of a Golden girls marathon… besides dude if you were going to kill me and violate my corpse you would've done it  when I let you in my home."

 

"Hey I do the violating before the killing, other way round would just be gross."

 

"Good to know. So you coming over?"

 

"Look out your window."

 

She walked over to her window and opened the curtains slightly, he was waving at her from the Phone-booth across the street, "A little twilight-y, but okay, come on up." she hung up and shortly after let him in, he was wearing dark jeans and a red hoodie but still had his mask on. "So, does it ever come off?"

 

**She noticed!**

 

**_No shit Sherlock._ **

 

"Show me yours I'll show you mine." he said in a very suggestive tone. 

 

**_There's that damned giggle again._ **

 

**Boobs.**

 

"So… Golden Girls on blu-ray?"she asked after a short while.

 

"Bea in HD?!" he grabbed the box and pranced towards the player jumping over the couch and swiftly inserting the disc, with incredible speed and skill. "by the way I brought tacos." he said, not really paying that much attention to Darcy and dropping a large, brown paper sack on the table in front of him, opening it without taking his eyes off the episode he selected and taking a taco for himself. 

 

The episode ended and he was about to select another one when darcy noticed that while eating the taco he had taken off his mask halfway and had very… interesting skin without even noticing she reached out and touched his face. He froze. His skin was rough and scarred and…  squishy? it basically looked and felt like he had suffered some severe burns. She suddenly felt sick, not because of the way it looked but because the thought of someone hurting her new best buddy disgusted her to her very core.

 

"Who did this to you?" he was still incredibly still but had now dropped the remote and was leaning into her touch slightly.

 

**Thats a whole different movie toots.**

 

**_That they are still yet to make._ **

 

**Damned Reynolds and his bad decision making!**

 

**_But he's us now though?_ **

 

**Yeah but this isn't canon is it?**

 

He gave a sigh "Might as well." he then took off the whole mask and looked at her expectantly. She touched his face again spreading her palm wider across his cheek now, he cupped her hand with is own, "say something."

 

_Poor wade!_

 

_I think he needs a hug._

 

_we should hug him._

 

_he might still be sore._

 

"Does it hurt?" she asked finally with a crease in her brow trying to pull her hand away but failing, with his own holding her in place. He just shook his head.

 

"I'm fine but you should see the other guy.  Well you can't cause he's dea-" before he knew what was going on she had lunged towards him and thrown her arms around his waist burying her face in his chest.

 

"It's gonna be ok buddy, i'm here." she said into his ribcage.

 

**Dude you are so in there.**

 

**_She smells like… victory._ **

 

He wrapped his arms around her and after a long while of creepy sniffing she kissed him on the cheek and they took what will forever be known as the greatest nap ever.

 

~~~

 

**Pancakes?**

 

He snapped awake to full attention and skipped over to the glorious aroma. he found himself in the kitchen watching his new found besty making a mountain range of breakfast foods, from eggs to pancakes to bacon. she spotted him and smiled "Sorry, its kinda hard for me to stop once I get going. but I do love the smell of 234 strips of bacon, 178 eggs, 94 pancakes and 105 waffles in the morning… smells like victory!"  

 

**_Marry her._ **

 

**And never let her go.**

 

"Feel free to have a-" and now he was hugging her incredibly tight and she giggled as she wrapped her arms around his neck he swung her around in a circle laughing giddily as well, he placed her down with their arms still around each other and they just looked at each other for a while.

 

**She's pretty.**

 

**And she smells sooooo good.**

 

_How is it possible that with all the scars he's still so good-looking?_

 

_and that laugh… damn we're a freak._

 

Darcy blushes and looks down and wade uses his finger to push her chin up so she can meet his gaze again, he's smiling like a child at christmas and they just hug… they didn't realise how much they both needed to be held and soon they were just lost in each others embraces. Eventually they smell smoke and they realise that  the stove is still on.

 

Wade takes the pan "I'll get that." and starts washing the dishes  and Darcy starts cleaning the stove.

 

**_Offering to do the dishes?_ **

 

**_Whatever when was the last time you got that many consecutive cuddles?_ **

 

"Never." they both said simultaneously startling each other, they turned around to face themselves "What?" they said together again making them both laugh.

 

"It's gonna sound kind of weird but I was talking to, um, my… boxes? Don't know quit how to put it but i have these two thought boxes a blue one and a white one and-" Darcy started to explain

 

"Oh my God. We both have boxes!"

 

"What? You too? I've never met someone like me before." she smiled up at him and his eyes softened neither had he. she honestly hadn't, when she a was a child her mom had her tested for multiple personality disorder which of corse came up negative (thanks to her boxes help at the shrink. Oh sweet irony)  and she quickly learned to keep her inner conversations, well, inner. In fact her boxes often kept her out of tight spots, they even gave her the idea to taser the god of thunder. 

 

"Where have you been all my life?" He really did want to know, he wanted to know everything about her and he wanted her to know everything about him, which of code included… He sighed "I need to tell you something." She looked up at him again. "I, um, I kill people. For money." she blinked. 

 

"Yeah well I kinda guessed considering the first time we met you has swords and guns all over you."

 

"So why'd you let me in?"

 

"Well you saved me and I figured you were trying to reform or something. It wouldn't help your cause much if I ran away screaming." she said matter-of-factly, "Besides you got the batman joke! I would have let you on on that alone."

 

They laughed and ate breakfast with wade managing to clear a considerable amount off the table and still taking leftovers. To his surprise she gave him a chaste kiss goodbye which she let linger for a few seconds.

 

**Gotta love Tuesdays.**

 

When he got to the warehouse he had commandeered as his own living quarters he was surprised to find a man sitting on his favourite beanbag while somehow still managing to look intimidating.

 

"I require your services." he said with the creepiest grin Wade had ever seen. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever but you know life got in the way.  
> Hope the wait was worth it and please don't hold back in the comments if it wasn't. :)
> 
> thanks and please harass me if I take forever again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, plot stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really bad at keeping things up to date I'm sorry! Don't hurt me :'(  
> School and stuff.  
> But I will never give up on this story!   
> Never I say!

"What a glorious feelin', I'm haaaaaappy again!" He crooned jumping through the door. Then he saw the bulky figure settled in his beanbag chair. 

 

"I require your services." He smiled widely in what would have been gleeful and impish if it wasn't on that face.

 

"Gah! Woah, dude no! Why?! Why?! I will never unsee that! That is terrifying! You know all those times we met and I asked you to smile more? Yeah, well that's never happening again! Blehh!" That and some reflexive dry heaving, completely distracted Wade from the sight of the Wolverine standing up and changing into a scaly blue lady.

 

**Isn't He Canadian? Those guys are born smiling right?**

 

**_William Shatner's Canadian._ **

 

**Does that mean we're on the USS Enterprise right now?**

 

**_Damnit! Wrong day to wear red._ **

 

"Excuse me. I was hoping my disguise would get your attention, but apparently that's impossible so-" she got cut off.

  

"Woah, wolfie when did you grow those?" A brief punch in his face quickly silenced him.

 

"As I was saying, I've got a job for you." Mistique paused for a second, clenching her fist waiting for him to speak again. Tempting bit he was still fixing his nose. "The brotherhood has seen and heard of your good work in the field of shameless slaughter for profit and we would very much like for you to take our case." It wasn't a question.

 

"Well you know busy schedule and all, what with the trying to be a good guy and stuff but I guess that can wait until after your somewhat shifty agenda." 

 

Glare

 

"But always good to help out my fellow mutants!" He quickly amended. 

 

"You're not a mutant." She said flatly handing him the large file she'd been holding and then leaving without another word.

 

**Ass, ass, ass...**

 

**_Classy._ **

 

**Folder.**

 

"Right, back on track" he opened the folder and Wade didn't think he had ever been so sober, "Fuck. No. Hell no, I will not be in this situation, I refuse! I will not murder the one person who I don't feel all suicidy and self loathy around. No."

 

**_If we don't kill her they'll probably just hire someone else, and they probably won't be that attached to her._ **

 

**_Hopefully not._ **

 

"Listen guys, have you not noticed, she's like us. She has boxes! When we're together I don't think about that stank hoe, Death anymore. She's what we've been looking for, the key!"

 

**_Woah, did we just have an epiphany?_ **

 

**Like a serious one?**

 

"Yeah." he said with a smile. "Okay, research time." hopping onto the beanbag chair getting ready to read the file.

 

It turns out Darcy Lewis worked for SHIELD. From Stark Tower. Alongside The Avengers. 

 

That would explain why they want her dead.

 

It really didn't, it rose even more questions. Like why her and no one else? Or, why didn't they just do it themselves? Why did they need Deadpool to kill her and practically spell out in her blood that it was a brotherhood attack? Most importantly, how was he going to stop himself or anyone else sent by the brotherhood from killing her? The one girl that made the ever lurking gloom that he hid so well with satire and Mexican food and varying pop culture references, just stop somehow. 

 

**_We aren't letting anyone get to her._ **

 

~~~

 

Darcy was doing her usual research and super villain backstory check when she came across something she really didn't want to see in the next file that needed filling in.

 

Name: Wade Wilson

 

Alias: Deadpool

 

_Shit._

 

Apparently Wade had a very long and eventful life. Which mostly involved tearing people to shreds and collecting money for it. This really should have bothered her more but she knew he was trying to reform and this would only hinder his attempts at being good; she couldn't do that to the one person that didn't make her feel completely alone and devoid of purpose. How is it possible that someone you just met could get rid of that seemingly inevitable sinking feeling you've had since you were old enough to talk to yourself? She didn't know but she was willing to explore further, which she couldn't do if who she was exploring was to be locked up in a secret facility by a shady, Kinda sorta government agency, with an overwhelmingly obvious shady undertone.

 

_We are so getting fired for this._

 

_Shredders are fun! We should defy the law more often._

 

"Shut up guys!"

 

"Come now girl, is that any way to talk to your friendly neighbourhood god of mischief?"

 

Darcy jumped and panted till her heart rate went back to normal, "Goddamn it Loki! Do I have to tie a freaking bell round your neck? What the hell are you even doing here?"

 

He raised an amused eyebrow, "I smelled mischief… and lies." His smirk grew wider. Then he turned to the shredder "I see you've made a new friend. Will you no longer be needing me? I feel sort of rejected." he said with mock hurt.

 

"Yeah well, he's not toying with me for his amusement." There was real hurt in that statement and Loki noticed.

 

"Darcy," His voice was much softer, "I- I thought you enjoyed our games. I truly did not intend to cause you any harm."

 

"Yeah, so did I… but you get tired you know." she was smiling at him with warmth and acceptance now, a friendly gesture. "It's not your felt anyway its no ones fault. So, um, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about this." she vaguely gestured to the shredder.

 

Loki smiled back at her, "One of the reasons you are my favourite Midgardian companion is that you forgive that wrongs that have been done on to you very easily. That being said if anyone, including your new found friend, causes you any trouble they will be dealt with. Swiftly." He stated that last part matter of factly and then gave her a very wide smile that she had come to associate with him vanishing. "And of corse I would not inform anyone, I wasn't even here."

 

"Loki, wait." He paused and furrowed his brow, "I'm glad you switched sides." His head between her hands.

 

"Ehehehe, as am I." He gave her a friendly hug and kissed her forehead. "Goodbye, small one"

 

"Later, tall one." Then he was gone.

 

~~~

 

**_That. That's our plan?_ **

 

**You got a better idea?**

 

**_Yes, How 'bout we lose the glitter._ **

 

**What and the wig?**

 

**_She's already called us twilighty once._ **

 

**Which is why this plan is foolproof!**

 

"Brain! Shut the hell up!" He had already decided that the get up was more for him than Darcy's benefit.

 

**So we're not going to dramatically dump her?**

 

**_Of corse not dumbass. How would that fix anything?_ **

 

**Can't we all just get along?**

 

Sighing again he rang up her apartment and went over his speech: He would tell her that someone was after her and that she needed to run because if he didn't kill her someone else would be sent after her. He would also offer to run away with her if she would have him, he really didn't want to leave her alone and unprotected. When she opened the door for him he didn't make a move to step in, "Hey, Darce." he smiled at her through the door not expecting her to grab him by the arm and kiss him right on the lips.

 

"What's up wade?" She said smiling up at him with her arms round his neck.

 

"I- I- uh, uhm, well, uhh, E-edward Cullen?" 

 

**_Ladies and gentlemen, The Merc With The Mouth._ **

 

**Seriously guys round of applause.**

 

_He's just staring at us._

 

_Maybe we overstepped._

 

Darcy started to lower her arms and made an attempt to apologise for being to foreword, but she could barely get the "I'm sorry" out before Wade grabbed her tight and kissed her again, deeper this time.

 

That thing. The void that had been in both of them probably since birth; it had suddenly just disappeared. All those years Wade spent chasing death, to maybe, hopefully fill the emptiness, they had melted away into just a distant memory of a memory. All of Darcy's life she spent feeling like a freak, like there was something wrong with her and that she had no place on this earth, it just felt irrelevant. She had found a place. All from one lingering kiss.

**__ **

**_ Let's give 'em a show. _ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because, Fuck the fourth wall!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Barry White voice* They' 'bout to get it on.  
> *Morgan Freeman voice* Wade and Darcy come up with a theory as to what the Bendyhoot Cumbersnuff is going on.
> 
> (Admit it Morgan freeman saying Bendyhoot Cumbersnuff is enough to keep you entertained for a while.(Or maybe just us(we are a notorious weirdo(True.(How many brackets do I use to close this?(This is getting very meta(Help I'm trapped!)))))))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took about 5 years. I am a lazy bum and school is horrible.

Darcy wasn't sure her heart had ever beat this fast before. Kissing wade was definitely strange, his skin was extra tender in some areas and felt bruised, but in other areas his skin was normal. It was very odd but the contrast somehow added to the sensation, and just made her want more; she still was very cautious though, touching and caressing him gently instead of grabbing and squeezing like she wanted to. This just made Wade more determined to get her to lose control, so he grabbed her waist with one arm and pressed her tightly against him, twining his fingers in her hair and worked his tongue inside her mouth.  Darcy gasped into his mouth and clawed at his neck and collar, deepening the kiss.

 

Then they heard the clearing of  the through of one of her neighbours, an elderly woman that lived across the  hall from Darcy. They then realised that they were still standing in front of an open door making out like a couple of horny teenagers. Wade still had his arms around her but they had broken away at the lips, she bit her lip and buried her reddening face in his chest, It was the most adorable thing Wade had ever seen and he just couldn't take it anymore. He slammed the door shut and scooped her up into his arms, she was about to let out a screech of protest but then he kissed her so softly she thought she might start to cry. She moaned into his mouth and he pulled away to look at her flushed face and already swollen lips.

 

"Where's your bedroom?" He asked breathlessly in his now raspy voice.

 

"First door on the left." she replied in the same tone. She started to work on his neck, sucking and leaving a trail of wet kisses up to his ear where she began to nibble. Wade's vision was starting to blur by the time he reached her bed, so he dropped her roughly onto the bed and watched as her body gloriously bounced with the mattress.

 

"Fuck." he said under his breath practically lunging at her as he put both hands on either side of her body, quickly lowering himself to kiss her some more. Darcy's legs were parted and she could feel his hardness right on her most sensitive area. She moaned and ground her hips relishing the feel of his length even through his jeans and her leggings.

"Too many clothes." She managed to say through Wades insistent mouth. He just growled and literally ripped her shirt off, but at the moment she couldn't care less because his teeth and tongue were doing wonderful things to her nipples and she could barely form words. She moaned and cried loudly and gripped his shoulder tight and she could have come right then. "W-wade, please. P-please, oh fuck!"

 

He pulled his hoodie off, revealing his semi tender, semi normal but all round ripped chest. Darcy took that as an opportunity to start to slip out of her leggings but he obviously wanted to do that himself so he stopped her hands and pulled off her leggings and panties swiftly at once. He moved onto her bra which was already half off and removed it completely. Wade rose to his knees to admire her wholly but got a little lost.

 

"Oh." He said, his features softening and is eyes lingering on her form. She started to become self conscious and moved to cover her chest with her arms. Her face turning red; wade quickly stopped her. "Perfect."

 

She giggled at that. "No, I'm n-"

 

"Yes. Yes you are." He started to run his fingers gingerly down her body from right under the curve of her breast. Darcy bit her lip and he smiled down at her longingly. "You're a dream Darce, 100%  the most beautiful thing I've ever layer eyes on."

 

**Every fantasy we never even knew we had.**

 

**_So happy we took a shower this morning._ **

 

Darcy sat up and straddled him so they were facing each other, she kissed him deeply, "You are very handsome." Wade was about to reply but she ran her thumb gently over his lips. "Shut up. I can see past the scars and bruises. With me they might as well not be there." He gripped her almost too tight at either side and invaded her mouth with his, Wade didn't think he'd ever felt this complete, neither did Darcy. They both felt as if something had been missing their entire lives and now it just wasn't. Now they were completed by being with each other, they were one conscious unit.

 

 **I love you so much.**  

 

_I love you, I need you._

 

Wade laid her down and removed his trousers and boxers, they resumed kissing and Darcy tried to reach for a condom in her drawer, but he just growled and grabbed her hand, putting it back on his neck.

 

 **What do you need?**  

 

_Condoms, top drawer._

 

He hummed into her mouth and grabbed one. When he moves she could feel his length pressed against her thigh and she thanked the gods that she was as wet as she was. He tore the packet open with his teeth and slipped it on, she got the full view and bit her lip.

 

_Perfect._

 

He smiled down at her and traced a finder down her stomach and into her folds,

 

**Jesus fuck, Darce you're soaked.**

 

She bit her lip and nodded, face reddening. _You have that effect on me._

 

He slipped just the tip in and lowered himself to kiss her, claiming her mouth with his. Darcy loved this, him in complete control of her, pinned down by his weight, completely at his mercy, it made her feel safe and secure like as long as he was there nothing bad could happen to her. Wade also relished this, he loved the idea of being her     protector it gave him a sense of purpose, it made him feel needed. He slammed himself into her without thinking which elicited a loud cry from her.

**I'm so sorry, did I hurt you?**

 

_No, no it's fine. Go on please._

 

He swivelled his hips and started working a steady rhythm. The room was so quiet all you could hear was the collision of flesh, animalistic growls and unintelligible breathy moans. Wade was hitting all the right spots and Darcy could feel the build up in her core already and she moved her hand down to try and reach her clit but Wade made a noise of protest.

 

**Keep your hands on me.**

 

She gasped, his pace was agonisingly slow but effective, she could wait. He slammed into her roughly and with that she was flying over the edge, every muscle in her body tensed and relaxed several times and she could swear she saw stars. Wade covered her mouth in his, riding out his own orgasm  with a faltering pace, and soon the pleasure became too intense so she asked him to stop without breaking the kiss. 

 

He moved off her and held her tight, kissing the top of her forehead. She snuggled into his chest seeking his warmth.

 

They were both panting very heavily and Wade let out a slightly manic laugh, "Boy, that escalated quickly."

 

She couldn't hold back the ugly snort that she made followed by relentless laughter for a few seconds, when she was done she exhaled wistfully, "That was-" She started to say.

 

"Yeah." He added dreamily, he already knew exactly what she was talking about.  "Did we just create some kind of Psychic bond?"

 

"Yeah that was weird wasn't it?" Looking up at him through her lashes. "How does something like that even go about happening?"

 

He scoffed and shrugged his shoulders, "What does it matter? It was freaking awesome. I will definitely not be questioning whatever divine being  allowed that to happen."

 

**Deep _._**

 

**_Yes, he was._ **

 

_Aaand, the moment's ruined._

 

They both laughed themselves into a sweet and relaxed sleep.

 

~~~

 

"So what you're telling me is that The Brotherhood, huge mutant supremacy group, wants me, Darcy Lewis, practically nobody, dead." She asked Wade doubtfully as they cuddled on the sofa facing the TV and sharing the pancakes that Wade prepared from a single plate. 

 

"Practically nobody?" He repeated quizzically.

 

"Yeah." she looked up at him confused.

 

"Darce, they gave me a whole file on you. I know where you work."

 

"Oh. Well, just 'cause I work for S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't make me important, let me tell you I am very replaceable." 

 

"Okay then I gotta ask; are you a mutant?"

 

"Not to my knowledge."

 

"This makes no sense. And that's coming from me."

 

"Maybe we should be asking smart people."

 

"Hey, We're plenty smart!"

 

"No I mean like real smart people like Tony or Bruce… maybe Nat, this does involve killing people." She started talking to herself.

"Wait, wait. Hold up. Tony and Bruce as in Iron Man and the incredible Hulk?" Darce nodded wondering why he was asking. "You're on a first name basis with two avengers?"

 

"Actually, all of them."

 

"So you guys are close?"

 

"I am like the daughter they never wanted."

 

"Oh my daisy chains, I've dot it!"

 

"Daisy chains?"

 

"No! Now I get why they're after you." He got off the sofa in a sudden moment of revelation. "You're best buds with the avengers! Killing you would do nothing if not spell out immediate and unmerciful revenge on whoever committed such a crime!" wade smacked his forehead with his hand in an 'it was so obvious' motion. "Which is why they needed me to namedrop them. Oh my God! Is this what smart people feel like on a daily basis? This is freaking exhausting."

 

"Oh my God." Darcy looked up at wade with wide, impressed eyes. Her expression soon changed as she faced foreword, she had a confused weirded out face on. "Does this make me the new Phil?"

 

"Probably… Who the hell is Phil?"

**Author's Note:**

> My First Fic! Just thought one of my OTPs should happen:D so please let me know what you think.


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